Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as You Negotiate
by Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro

Faced with a resistant colleague, boss or client? Find out which of 5 core concerns is at issue during a negotiation or conflict. The significant contribution of the book is that it addresses both emotions and logic, which can otherwise seem irreconcilable.

Their approach advises applying the model to one’s self, as well as the other party. Most negotiation models emphasize getting the most for you. This one indicates raising awareness of what might be at stake, for you and for the other. It is clear, well written, easily accessible, and full of descriptive anecdotes.

A big relief for those not so comfortable navigating emotional terrain is the authors’ recommendation that you address the concern, not the emotion. For those familiar with decision making dichotomies of Thinking and Feeling in Myers-Briggs jargon, this model creates a language which will satisfy both preferences. “Core concerns are human wants that are important to almost everyone in virtually every negotiation. They are often unspoken but are no less real than our tangible interests.”

A framework of 5 core concerns is presented; one or more of these is usually at issue during a negotiation or conflict. The significant contribution of the book is that it addresses both emotions and logic, which can otherwise seem irreconcilable.

Harvard Negotiations Professor Roger Fisher, author of Getting to Yes, is coauthor if this book, with Daniel Shapiro.

The 5 concerns are identified in clear categories, with rich examples, and specific steps.

Appreciation
The first category is Appreciation, which is that your ideas are acknowledged as having merit. Sometimes clients will express a concern that if they acknowledge another position as having merit, they will be mistaken for agreeing. So instead they insist on the (exclusive) merit of their own position. This slows down the negotiation process before it even begins. Appreciation in this context is not flattery. To test for meeting the needs of Appreciation (and each of the categories), check for three things: fairness, honesty, and appropriate “fit” with the current circumstances.

Affiliation
Affiliation is building a relationship. Find things you may have in common, even on a non-business level. Maybe you have a friend or colleague in common, or you reside in the same town. Choose words that convey respect as a colleague. Identify what it is about a satisfactory outcome that would help both of you. That creates a sense of being on the same side rather than opposing sides. The scripts in the book are great: “I understand fairly clearly the interests on our side. But I doubt if I understand your interests as well as I should.” And to make sure you don’t go too far building affiliation at the total cost of your own interests, they recommend a final check of logic and check of gut reaction.

Autonomy
As with all of these categories, autonomy has to do with both your own sense of autonomy as well as the other person’s. Be sure you have a realistic sense of your own power to influence, and your creativity and resourcefulness. If you use their approach effectively, addressing core concerns rather than emotions, the result is that you will have greater access to your own creativity and resourcefulness. While expanding your own sense of autonomy, you also want to be sure not to step on toes. Expand your sense of autonomy, for example, be proactive in making recommendations. As long as they’re tentative and you’re not pushing a particular option, they are generally safe to offer. Suggest joint brainstorming without a commitment to accept any particular recommendation that arises. Just the process may trigger a new resolution. Do read the anecdote about the author’s wife giving away roses he gave her.

Status
Status is often used to one-up an opponent, with the (mistaken) reasoning that being superior will give a negotiating advantage. This model “provides you with an alternative to competing over status.” Notice the clues you are given about status, by the formality of the introduction, the use of title, or reference to organizational hierarchy. Everyone has status and expertise in something. First recognize their status, and then your own expertise. The author emphasizes that we never tire of being acknowledged for status by sharing this anecdote. His assistant used to bring letters of complaint or criticism, explaining that those needed his attention as all the rest was fan mail which he didn’t need to know about! He asked her to reverse the process, giving him the fan mail, and keeping the complaints or criticisms to propose and draft an appropriate response.

Role
A fulfilling role has these three qualities: it has a clear purpose, it is personally meaningful, and it is not a pretense. We all have multiple roles, and some of those roles can compete. Being aware of the way your professional can compete with your parent role, or activist can compete with membership in certain groups, is a useful process of self-reflection. As with all of these categories, the assessment applies to you as well as the other. The first step is to be sure the activities in your roles are satisfying, and to expand or eliminate those activities wherever possible, which are not satisfying. You can regard some roles as interim or temporary, and even to inquire about whether there’s another temporary role they can take on for the process of negotiation.

Conclusion
The last part of the book identifies specific strategies to manage your own emotions during a tough negotiations process. These are filled with examples as well as specific steps to use. It is a book you can read through, and then access again and again as needed. A great resource.

review by Janet Britcher